August 2025. I’m locked in my Lisbon apartment for two months, unable to leave. Not anxiety. Not depression. My gut had finally said what my mouth never could: “No more.”
The parasites I’d picked up in Bali weren’t just stealing my iron – my ferritin had dropped to 6 when normal is 50. They were the perfect metaphor for what I’d been allowing my entire life: things that weren’t meant for me, living inside my body, draining me, while I smiled and pretended everything was fine.
The Childhood Blueprint
I didn’t randomly become the person everyone calls in a crisis. Through my recent nervous system certification, I learned I’d developed a “nourishment barrier” in childhood.
When you reach for help as a child and no one meets you – or they don’t meet you in the way you need – your nervous system learns: I can’t ask for help because it’s not there. So I carry all the weight myself.
This shows up in your body: back problems, gut issues, chronic people-pleasing. And it attracts people who have zero regard for your needs – perfectly mirroring the childhood you grew up in.
The Friends Who Loved What I Could Do For Them
For 39 years, I kept attracting the same relationships: people who gave me all the affection and compliments, but when I actually needed them? Silence.
Dr. Patrick Carnes calls these “high warmth, low intention” connections. All the intensity and promises, but one-sided risk where I was always the one showing up.
I couldn’t tell the difference between real love and exploitation wrapped in compliments.
When Your Body Finally Breaks
By early 2025, I looked like I had it together – the friend who always showed up, holding space for everyone.
What I couldn’t do: digest food, maintain iron levels, or say “no” without my nervous system shutting down.
The parasites found a perfect host – a body so used to being invaded by others’ needs that it had forgotten how to protect its own boundaries.
The Surrender That Changed Everything
The certification taught me that healing meant finding safe community, not repeating old patterns, and fully surrendering to God to take control of my life.
For the first time, I became a “passenger princess”—following the signs of my body, guided by God as the main driver.
I stopped over-functioning. I centered on healing, treating my body as a temple where God lives. I started healing my gut, releasing stored emotions, detoxing, regulating my nervous system daily, and making time for pleasure.
Now at 40, I glow like I did in my 20s. Not from performing—from finally being supported.
Unlearning “Reliable = Safe”
I had to unlearn what my nervous system believed for 39 years: that being reliable equals being safe.
Once I started expanding my capacity to receive and understanding I’m worthy of God’s love, a strange peace took over.
I stopped replying to people who only cared what I could do for them. I stopped fixing family drama. Instead, I leaned into faith that God has my back.
The Coffee Test
Here’s how I know I’ve changed: I went for coffee with someone new. I didn’t message them afterwards to make them like me.
I said, “God, if this person is meant for me, show me and make it easy.”
When they never messaged, I moved on with lightness in my heart.
The old me would have spiralled and performed. The new me? Trusted the body wisdom guided by God.
If This Is You
If you’re the person everyone calls in crisis, who is holding space for you?
Join my February 4th circle “Breaking Through the Nourishment Barrier” at 7PM GMT. Your nervous system heals in relationship. Not alone.
Book your spot here
—Tania
