With 2020 being so wild and unpredictable self-love and care have been more critical than ever. It is as though the universe wants us to pay proper attention to it and start building it one experience at the time.
I have been on my self-love journey for over four years and the foundation I created and the progress I made at that time helped me get through 2020 with nothing but gratitude and growth.
It may be hard to stay grateful when the world lost so many lives and our traditional way of doing things shaken to the core, but this year is a massive blessing in disguise. It’s the year of awakening and stepping into our power, and if you failed to commit to self-love practice and build a life you always dreamed off, it’s never too late to start.
As soon as the lockdown hit, I created my first Self Love Manual, followed by a brand and now in the midst of my book writing with hopes of finishing it in the next three months. I plan to bring a large amount of abundance into my life in 2021 and use 2020 as a year of foundation and goal setting.
Looking back to 2017, I didn’t feel worthy of much, and I barely had any gratitude for the amazing things in my life. To even think how I overcome most of the darkness I manifested from this state of mind gives me goosebumps. I was riddled with anxiety and depression, and when my Instagram started to take off I for the life of me, couldn’t think of the reason why would someone want to follow me.
I didn’t understand why people wanted to be friends with me and why men wanted to go on dates with me. I always thought it was because of my body and not having much else to offer. I had no love for myself and had a major impostor syndrome in all areas of my life. Until I met this one guy who treated me terribly, legit rejecting an idea of being with me before even meeting me but fully opening himself up for a casual hookup.
I liked him and thought only if I improve myself a little in all areas of my life, he will like me back. So I worked hard on superficial stuff for a year before reaching out to him for a catch-up. I had a coffee date in mind, but to him, my message was an invitation over and a chance for another hookup. It was the final straw that introduced me to boundaries and saying NO to things that don’t bring joy to my life.
At that point, I had terrible depression and the little motivation I could find to live my life would be to go out with friends and party. London is one of those cities that give you major FOMO if you don’t go out and drink, and I fell in that trap way too many times. My anxiety would only get worse on the hangover days, and the need to overeat was extreme each time. It was a terrible cycle I could barely break away from. Until he pushed me so far that I finally had enough courage to decide that life can’t be that and put myself first.
I deleted his number, Instagram and never reached out again. Instead, I made a list of all that would make me happy and started at it. At that point in my life, I didn’t travel a lot, the thought of a solo trip gave me an anxiety attack. You can guess I decided to deep dive and face my fears head-on as I truly believe its the best way to overcome problems which most of the time are self-inflicted. I started with a solo adventure in Greece where I took myself island hopping followed by moving in with a stranger I met on Instagram to spend a summer in LA. Both of these trips changed my life and I’m so grateful for being brave enough to make the decision and go for it.
I made saying NO a big part of my life, and even though it was so hard at the beginning, I’m so incredibly grateful for standing up for myself even when I know I will lose people in question. I started choosing love for myself over many things and people in life, and it brought me to a place of clarity and alignment. This journey came with many tests and didn’t get me wrong I’m tested a lot even today, especially as I keep on expanding my consciousness. The reward is more than worth it and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have learnt so many tools that keep me present and centred, that help my creativity flow. I’m able to manifest all that I want within days and never felt more guided and supported by the universe as I do now. Everything makes so much sense and even the other day when I was meant to meet with this guy out at the Lawn only to find him kissing another girl when I got there, I thanked the universe for blessing me with not wasting my time. I didn’t feel the need to start drama, attack him or play a victim and indeed took it as a sign from the universe that I should not waste even a minute of my life on a guy like that.
I see every set back as an opportunity to learn and expand and barely waste any time playing a victim like I used to do. I have never been so happy with letting things and people go and living in the present. Life has never been better. It keeps on giving, and I genuinely realise the importance of happiness that no material thing can buy.
If you are looking to increase the love you have for yourself, I’m sharing tools that helped me get there in my Self Love Manual. The daily, weekly and monthly routine outlined in the manual brought me progress in so many areas of my life that I couldn’t feel more gratitude for all the lessons.
You could also guess that now that I hold myself at such higher regard, the guy from all those years ago won’t stop texting me. I have no interest in him, so I’m thankful for reaching that place of wanting better for myself.
Do you have any lessons from your self-love journey? Please feel free to share either in the comments or an email to me as I love connecting with you guys.
Have a blessed week ahead.
Tania xxx